Batman or Wheelbarrow…or other?

I am often amused by articles in magazines that offer advice on how to spice up one’s sex life…often these articles have photos of positions that allow for deeper penetration, or inflation of a woman’s vaginal walls, or stretching of her clitoral legs from 10mm to 20 mm. Yes, believe me, I actually have read these things in leading women- and men’s magazine. I can’t help but laugh because one has to be short of a Nadia Comaneci to pull some of those moves off. Granted, it’s been a while for me, but seriously, how many of you gals out there have tried crossing your legs, so that your left ankle is on his right shoulder and vice versa, and this while half your body is suspended off the bed? Or, how many of you have clutched on to the edge of the bed or couch praying that your nails don’t break, while your man pretends you’re a sports-model wheelbarrow, driving you backwards and forwards ‘til you have sheet-burns on your forearms? Don’t get me wrong, I’m up for being experimental (within limits of course), but certain things just boggle my mind…and really, even when things are feeling tingly down there, I don’t want to think of my stretched clitoral legs…I suppose I should be grateful that they don’t get stretch marks.