Getting It Off My Chest…

I am not sure where this post is going to go, but I feel this incredible urge to write because I feel that, if I don’t, I am going to have to decapitate myself, simply to silence the voices in my head that are, once again, at loggerheads with one another.

A number of people who I have grown to know over a period of time have said that my biggest asset is my personality – that there is something that they can’t quite pin point in the way I act towards others, that draws people to me.  Little do they know that I feel it is not my personality that draws people to me, but rather my need for validation and recognition (the fact that I’m vulnerable) that draws me to people.    A simple thing like receiving recognition for reaching a sales target, being told that I’m an integral cog in the machine, or being included in an event of some kind makes me feel “normal”. The other clarification is that I may be a FOMO sufferer (although I don’t think so, because I don’t spend that amount of time on social media wanting to know what other people are doing; I just want to be asked if I can be included in what they’re doing…)  I often think that being “The Piece of the Puzzle that doesn’t Quite Fit”, that my Maslow Triangle is inverted –

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that Self Actualisation, Esteem and Social needs are more important than the basic physiological and safety ones, although my triangle would look more like this:

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Valerie, a colleague, for whom I have a tremendous amount of respect, because she speaks the truth in a non-judgemental way, told me one day that the face I put to the world is a false one; that the party-loving, loud girl, is actually not who I am.  Man, did I cry that day.  Not because I was offended about being told I’m false, but because something in my heart changed.  The truth took hold.

A lot has happened since that talk with Valerie.  I’ve reassessed a lot of things and…

I’ve moved…and in three weeks of living on my own, I’ve learnt volumes about myself.  I’ve learned that I hate being on my own.  When I lived with my folks and they would go away for a few days leaving me alone, I would relish the silence – simply because there is always background noise in their house, the radio is always on in the kitchen, even though two TV’s are on.  Now that I’m on my own, the first thing I do when I get home is put on the radio, simply so that it feels as if there is another “life force” there with me.  Fortunately I have friends who know this and who will pop in for coffee or a quick chat, making the loneliness a bit easier to bear.  I’ve been told by many people that it takes getting used to, but that I will.  I’m looking forward to that day.

I’ve learned that some people will make me their friend, even though I had reservations about them when I met them initially.  While I have an incredible requirement to be accepted, I’m still inclined to be a bit choosy about who I want to accept me.  (Do you understand why the Little Voices are squabbling?) Once I’ve accepted that these people want to be part of my life, the scales fall off my eyes and with this renewed vision, I see the incredible kindness in their hearts.  To give an example, my neighbour invited me over for supper on Tuesday night.  I took over some corn on the cob and she made two lamb chops for each of us.  To some of you reading this, you’re probably thinking “Oh pu-leeze!!  This chick is getting sentimental over chops?!”  People, meat is expensive when you’re living on your own. 

I was telling Carmen the other day that I’ve made a new circle of friends through my Herbalife business.  She says that it is great because it is a circle of other people with other interests from whom I can learn something new.  She’s right too.  (Just how lucky am I to be surrounded by such wise people?)  These are people from all walks of life, who are working towards a common goal of helping people get healthy and active.  There is an indescribable camaraderie between the members of this “family” that is second to none.  It doesn’t matter how bad I’m feeling some days – after team training, or fit club with these amazing people, I feel energised and ready to carry on.  Just last night three of these people came to have a cup of coffee in my humble abode.  Just talking to them and hearing how they do things has motivated me to get back on the horse and keep trotting on.  There is a wealth of knowledge readily available through this “family”, not just about Herbalife, but about life as it happens.  (MTM is making a mental note to thank Steve for persisting to get me signed up…)

On a lighter note, I’ve learned that despite vehement denial, I am a lot shorter than I like to think I am.  The work surface in my flat is correct according to all ergonomic parameters, but the stove is a mobile one, which is substantially higher than a normal hob.  This is how I have been cooking for a while. 

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Yes, I’m standing on a chair so that I can see what is cooking in the pots.  This will soon be a problem of the past as mom and dad have lent me their little induction cooker, which is flat on the work surface.  If I really want to bake, then I will use the little oven, because the way it stands now, it is at least at eye level.  Aunty Carol and Uncle Barry have also graciously donated a George Foreman grill to me, so once I receive it, I will be able to grill at an ergonomic level too!

There, now I feel slightly better, having got it out…the Voices are no longer shouting at one another, they’re hissing in whispers…

 

 

 

Every Now and Then…

…I read an article in a men’s mags, or an article about men in one of the female glossy ones.  Quite some time ago, I wrote this on my old blog in reply to an article entitled

41 Ways to Melt a Woman’s Heart

(Apologies for the tiny font, but I can’t figure out how to make it bigger and I have simply cut and pasted the original answers off my old blog.  Another related post will follow shortly.)

My comments to the original article are in blue.

I love reading articles from men’s mags, but with a woman’s brain…

Courtesy of Women24.com

There are many things that make a woman weak at the knees. Now find out how to truly melt her heart…

Article: Nicole Beland from Men’s Health

Ask her to dance.

(I can actually relate to this – even if I don’twant to dance with some random man, it is nice to know he wanted to dance with me)

On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.

(It doesn’t even have to be a windy day – just play with my hair anyway…)

When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.

(Absolutely couldn’t agree with this more – a woman should have to walk up to a man to be greeted.  When he sees her, he should hug or kiss her hello – everything else can wait for a few seconds)

Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.

(Hmmm, this may leadto other activities, dependent on hormone levels…)

Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.

(This does make us as women feel special – that we are allowed into the man’s space and it gives us a sense of security – in a “don’t-worry-darling-I’m-not-going-to-feed-you-to-the-wolves kind of way.)

Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
(Again, possibly a security thing…I quite honestly would probably comment on how hot or not said chick looks.)

Call her when you’re feeling sad.

(I have a guy-friend who does this sometimes – and even though I can hardly offer advice, we bothput down the phone feeling a little better about life.)

Kiss her eyelids.

(I don’t know so much about this one…rather kiss my forehead.)

Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.

(I don’t know so much about this one either – simply because my parents weren’t the sentimental type, so there aren’t really photo’s of me as a child…maybe on FB somewhere, like school ones, but those are eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk!!)

Wash her from head to toe in the shower.

(See 4 above…)

If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.

(The cynic in me is saying “first find out why she’s crying“, but yes…do.  She needs a shoulder and if she didn’t want yours, she would have phoned someone else.

Stand her naked on a sturdy chair and lick between her legs.

(This may do than just melt her heart…it may melt her resolve, and her insides…and…well, see 4 above)

Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.

(Middle name I can live with – first name usually means I’ve done something wrong – or that a man is losing interest in me.)

Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.

(It is actually scary to think that I know what vinyl is.)

Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it

(or her favourite alcoholic beverage…and, if you’re involved with her – be able to make/pour it just the way she likes it.)

Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.

(and hang / fold her clothes up before turning in yourself)
Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
(It will show your commitment to the relationship – and will set you aside from the rest of the male homosapiens that cannot/do not want toremember dates)

Send her something in the mail. Anything.

(yyyeeeessssss!  We love to get parcels!)

When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.

(but, be sincere – otherwise she will resent you later if things don’t work out)

Call her just before you get on the plane.

(Yes, and preferably when you’ve arrived safely at your destination – you never know, Osama Bin Laden’s cronies may be on your flight)

Pick her clothes up off the floor.

(and do as for 16 above)

Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.

(After all, it’s her smile you fell in love with, not her frown).

Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.

(And shout for her team, even if your team is playing – and winning)

Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.

(Touch is sensual – and women thrive on that sensuality)

Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.

(Women do notice this – the same way men notice whether or not we’ve shaved- or waxed our legs.)

Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
(Again, be sincere.  You may also need to “hug her hard” to prevent her from scratching another woman’s eyes out!)

Worship her breasts.

(Preferably with offerings of whipped cream or chocolate body paint to be licked off hard…and, see 4 above).

Give her jewellery.

(We love things that sparkle…)

Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)
(Learn this and you will score serious points – alternatively, dry her off yourself…)

Ask her specific questions about her work.

(I can attest to this – it is something special when a man asks me more than the superficial “so, what do you do for a living…”.)

Keep her favourite cereal on hand.

(If she is a cereal person – otherwise, make sure you have her favourite blend of coffee or tea on hand – and take it to her, in bed.)

In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
(Yes, tell us – contrary to what you might think, women are not all clairvoyant.  We also like to hear you tell us you love us).

Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
(Really expensive constitutes more than a simple dozen roses.)

Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.
(give her a glass of wine and make passionate love to her on a mat in front of that fire)

Moan her name when she goes down on you.

(yip, it does wonders for the sex goddess within us.)

Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.

(or when she’s lying next to you in bed)

Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken.

(don’t wait until she asks…because if you do, she may actually just ask that really gorgeous single hunk that lives next door.)

Notice when she’s wearing something new.

(don’t just notice…say something about the new outfit – and note, the new outfit includes shoes)

  1. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.
    (Yes!  Or, stop the lift and make your own Fatal Attractionscene…)

Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.

(A kiss on the hand may be quite continental…but diamonds are a girl’s best friend…)

If she’s too stressed to want sex…

a. Run a bath for her.
b. Give her a full-body massage.
c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.
(she doesn’t need to be too stressed to want sex for you to these things – a little thought can lead to great rewards).