Yearning

I woke up on Sunday morning, opened the blinds and smiled with relief when I saw the blue skies because I wanted to take a solitary nature walk, to connect with a part of myself that I miss.

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(Photo from saidaonline)

Alas, the weather has turned foul, so my plans were shelved for the moment.

I had had some friends round the night before for a small get together.  We had a few laughs and when everyone had left and I was doing the last of the dishes, I suddenly felt like someone had ripped my heart out.  Just.  Like.  That.  I waited until everyone had let me know they’d arrived home safely and I crawled into bed.  Horrid dreams plagued me all night.  I was awake at five am again…

I had my morning shower and put on some Lady Antebellum – it’s great Sunday music.  The strangest thing happened when All We’d Ever Needed started playing – I was overwhelmed by a flood of tears and a gut-wrenching yearning…for someone.  The question is who?  Some days being alone really gets to me; it makes my heart ache so badly. My folks got home from a weekend away and we went out for lunch to a local steak house called Cattle Baron.  Elizabeth joined us, as did Aunty Carol and Uncle Barry.  Lunch was divine, as were some shooters…but even more scrumptious was our waiter, a tall, dark haired, blue eyed god called G.T.  The old folks left and Elizabeth and I stayed behind, drinking coffee – but G.T I’m sure knew we stuck around to just perv over him.

After I got home, the Sunday blues grabbed me again, so I forced myself to write something – I have had no inspiration for quite a while now and many people notice that I’m devouring books.  What they don’t know is that as long as I’m reading, I’m not writing much.  I read three novels last week…

Yearning

A simple tune drowns out the white noise

But it doesn’t stop the raging storm

Waves of emotion crash over my rocky heart

Changing its exterior with each swell

A deep, insatiable yearning sets in

Tears blur my vision

The melody continues to taunt me

Rubbing my solitude in my face

Taking pleasure in my heartache

Evil voices laugh in my head

Making me doubt my worthiness

I wonder if you see what I see

Is that why you keep your distance?

I know you’ve noticed me

Yet you keep me at arm’s length

Or do I just blend into the background?

The yearning to be part of your life

Devours my mind

Day and Night

Dawn and Dusk

Through my soft sobs

I wipe my tears

The yearning isn’t gone, but the ditty is finished

I have to carry on, face the day…and not lose hope.

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Creative Writing: Mixed Emotions

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(Image by igzlz.deviantart.com)

Mixed Emotions

Your voice so rich and inviting

Your chocolate eyes so warm

Your smile genuine and open

Yet your reaction is cold…

 

My hope will not be cut off

Tells a wise king in the Proverbs

I have a future

Solomon declares

 

I extend an olive branch, a request to mend what’s left of what we have

But only lowly twigs remain

As your fire of rejection burns it to ashes

My heart aches in sad confusion

 

I hear your hollow voice behind me in the hallway

I turn to look into your reflection-less eyes

Your lips so tightly pursed hide your memorable smile

Who are you?  What have you become?

 

Momentary flames burn within me

As I speak your name from my lips

My tummy flutters when I see you

My skins yearns for your touch

 

I cling to my promised hope

Of a love eternal

I am never alone

Single footsteps show me where He carries me…

 

Wordlessly you open your arms

A tear escapes, staining your cheek

Your lips part in a primal roar

“I love you.   Please, don’t leave me!”

 

Only embers remain

As ice engulfs my heart

I feel empty and lost

Yet strangely at peace

 

My voice is crisp

My eyes wide-open

My smile sincere

My reaction unexpected, even to me…

 

“I am hurt, confused and almost hateful…

But I can’t stop loving you!”

 

A roaring fire burns my core

As I scream your name from my lips

My tummy flutters as you gently take my hand

My skin is alive by your touch.

A New Beginning in the Rain

A New Beginning in the Rain

They walk through the park
Friends, Companions, Lovers
The whisper of the rain holds promise
Of crisp, clean, clear things for the future

Fallen Autumn leaves litter the path
Their colours splendorous reminders of riches
The yellow brown ones, myrrh
The red ones, garnets & rubies
The orange ones, citrines

He wonders if the moment is right
The rain begins gets louder
Spurring him on, its cacophonic drum beat in sync
With that of his heart

She is lost in a daydream
As she stares at the river
The smell of newness fills the air
As the rain washes old things away

She turns to find him admiring her
From upon his knees
Longingly, tenderly, affectionately
“I love you darling, marry me!”

The white diamond smiles at her
Its iridescence a sparkling reminder
Of their love, their hopes, their passion
Their open, untainted future

A symphony of water
Continues to play from the sky
Their love, will live forever
In their hearts, it won’t wither

A rainbow of colours
A myriad of emotions
A contract sealed with a kiss
“Of course, I’ll marry you.”

The brilliant rock shines
Even though the sun is hiding
Warmth runs through her
Despite Winter’s warning chill

“Come here and dance with me in the rain”

(Photo courtesy of http://www.shaystephens.com)

Photographs…

 

Stinging eyes, damp with salt

Reality dawns with a choking sob

So many memories…

In each picture she smiles

I wonder where she is

The girl I used to be…

It’s not that I don’t like

The woman I’ve become

Life is just different now…

Relationships have been altered

Some friends lost, new ones found

Solid ties for the future…

I hold onto hope

I laugh out loud

Love in my aching heart will abound!

Day One: 10 Secrets

I have to get back into blogging!  The intention is there, but to actually sit down and get a post done is the problem…work really keeps me busy and in the evenings I am pretty much to pooped to sit in front of the PC for another hour or so.  But, I need to, so I’m going to – even if it means that I have to blog from bed…

An update of one of the blogs I follow was in my inbox this morning and it looks like it very well may be the kick up the bum that I need to get my blog going again…

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

  1. I am secretly in love with CSI detectives – for years I was absolutely besotted with David Caruso, but I’m over him; his fixation with his sunglasses now gets on my nerves.  I find Eddie Cahill (Detective Flack in CSI: NY) absolutely gorgeous – must be those blue eyes…
  1. I want to be Dr Who’s companion.  But then David Tennant must be the Doctor.  I will always be thankful to my friends Lisa and Leon for introducing me to the Doctor.  There would be a huge gap in my heritage had they not.
  1. I have a love of peanut butter in any shape or form – even ice-cream.  Just the other day I bought myself a tub of peanut butter swirl ice-cream from Woolies and even though it is way too cold for ice-cream, I sneak a teaspoon or two into my mouth after supper.  No-one else is allowed near my ice-cream.
  1. I wish someone would find me (or I, him!) that loves me for who I am, how I am, no matter what.  I’m tired of being alone.  This feeling is exacerbated every time I hear friends of mine are getting married, or those who are, are having kiddies, or I catch the bouquet at a wedding – just last week I caught my third consecutive bouquet – not a good hat-trick to have.
  1. By the time I went to school at the age of six, I still couldn’t tie my shoelaces.  Seriously.
  1. The quickest way to get me to fall asleep in front of the TV is to put David Attenborough on – there is something about his voice that puts me to sleep.
  1. If I could, I would eat Italian food every day.  The passion and love that goes into Italian cooking makes it tastier.  I would love to tourItalyon a little Vespa scooter from North to South sampling the food – not caring about the weight I will undoubtedly put on.
  1. I am fascinated by snakes and crocodiles – particularly when they come packaged as shoes and handbags. 
  1. I love big band music.
  1. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher – when I hear on the news what happens in schools these days, I’m relieved I’m not.

A Joyous Occasion…

…Mary and Martin’s bouncing little bundle of joy, James Henry was born last night at 20:55, weighing in at 3.4 Kg and measuring 50 cm.  They tried for over 3 years to fall pregnant and had it not been for sore boobs, Mary would never have gone to the gynae to discover that she was already 8 weeks pregnant!  Martin has been actively involved in every step of the pregnancy and is extremely proud of his wife and son.

Mom and I are going to the hospital tomorrow – if i can get a photo of the little man, I will post it.