I’m in a philosophical mood, a little melancholy too. Chalk it down to conversations I’ve been having-, or the books I’ve been reading of late, being a little tired again, the chill of winter, or simply because my brain needs something to think about.
I saw Harriet on Friday after work. We spoke about a few things and somehow Paul came up. I haven’t spoken about him in a very long time, literally years. It was bittersweet to reminisce about the memories I had made with him. I still listen to Leonard Cohen’s music, Hallelujah in particular, and a memory will escape from my eyes down my cheek. I know we would never have ended up together, but as I spoke, I wondered what he’d be doing now if Death hadn’t come to take him.
I went to the farm on Saturday to spend some time with Shayla-Rae, her husband (who is jokingly referred to as my skelmpie – which loosely translated implies that we’re having an affair), my precious Godchild, Lily-Rose, and SR’s mum. SR’s dad exchanged this world for Another four years ago, yet when here mum talks about him, it’s clear that her heart aches still for him. They were together for forty-seven years. That’s longer than I’ve been alive!
SR’s grandmother, Granny Wood, who turns 100 in October this year (yes, she will be a centenarian!) also remembers her late husband with fond tears and smiles. She regales tales of their time together with crystal clarity, despite her mind being addled by dementia that is setting in.
Now, in SR’s mum and Gran’s case, they married young (as was custom) so I’m not sure if they’d had the opportunities to meet more than the one or two men they did before they settled down into marriage if they would have said they experienced love more than once. For them it was a case of One Great Love, their Forever Love.
I’ve not dated many blokes either (my track record with the opposite sex has been nothing short of disastrous!), but I’ve loved more than once, and I mean greatly loved. The sad thing though is that as boundless as I can love, it never seems to be enough.
I know that just because it’s what I feel, doesn’t make it true, but it’s on my mind and I’m getting it out because topping (overthinking) about my worth to others (which is a huge thing for me) is not going to do me any good in this state of mind.
In the meantime, I’ll console myself that not even death’s sting can conquer forever love.
Oh, and just a side note, my brain is getting food tonight… Elena and I are going for sushi!
Who knows what this Misfit’s fed brain will come up with next?
I guess y’all just have to wait and see 😉