If there was a Pandemic Prevention Olympics, South Africa would be on the podium taking gold medals by the barrel full. We’ve had the longest #Coronavirus lockdown in the world.
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The Winds of Change are A’Blowin’
Sometimes, something happens, and you find yourself (for lack of a better term), different. Out of this Misfit’s book, I give you two personal examples:
Dining Alone
I’m not sure which one of my girl friends it was, but she said, “It’s like when you reach 40 you just don’t give a rat’s ass anymore what people think.” Pretty much everyone 40+ in the company agreed.
I’ve always been one that enjoys my own company; growing up as an only child in a building where there were no other kids taught me quickly how to keep myself entertained. As I grew up, I became an extremely social person; I was a relatively well-liked teenager (albeit a book nerd) and post-21, I had many people I considered friends.
As we all know, life happens, and people’s paths diverge – there is no definitive turning point, or fork in the road. One day you’re still cruising on a Sunday-roadtrip-to-nowhere with your best friend, a year later you’re sitting in a coffee shop alone, having an oversized brunch, chased by a double-thick-peanut-butter-milkshake.
If anyone had told me a year ago, that on the brink of thirty-nine, I would be that person, I would have laughed because I’ve always been of the opinion that there are certain things nobody should do alone – like have a meal in a restaurant, or go to the movies, yet yesterday, I was that person. And it felt surprisingly good. I paged leisurely through some tattered magazine while waiting for-, and during (my mother would just die if she knew I was reading at the table) my meal. I was lost in my own little world, oblivious to what was happening around me, until a stranger accidently bumped my table on his way out.
The point I’m trying to make, I suppose, is that I’ve reached that point, where I’m okay to go out on my own (although solo-movies are still daunting) and not be fazed by what the people around me think.
It boils down to acceptance of self, but more than that love of self – because face it, if you don’t love and accept who you are, how can you expect others to? I’m confident and independent – and that epitome is the greatest thing ever; just a pity it’s taken me almost forty years to realize it.
Social Media Slow Down
It’s been eleven years since my friend, Vixen, nudged me to join Facebook – the magical world where I could play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker without losing any real money, stay in touch with friends, plug my Herbalife business, share photos & random thoughts (some of my memories have me wondering, What. The. Actual. Fuck?) and Lord knows what else.
Round this time last year, the appeal was just gone. I woke up one morning thinking, how many people really bother with checking up on me there, as opposed to getting in touch with me by other, more immediate means? I’m not saying I’ve become a total social media luddite, I’ve merely tapered down my use of almost all the apps related to it, except Whatsapp, because it is my main go-to means of comms, mostly because I use my almost ninety-five hundred percent of my allocated 100 minutes of talk-time on my contract to chat to my friend Trisha, in Durban.
Being a complete social media hermit is not normal in the age we live in, so I’ll still log in and check what’s potting in Facebook-land, sometimes I’ll even post something, but quite honestly, I’d much rather save my data to chat with the circle of people on Whatsapp that matter to me, as much as I do to them.
Maybe it’s also because I’m almost forty, who knows? One thing’s for sure though – there is a change in me, and I’m embracing it. I feel like a new person – more accepting, more open and sure as hell, more awesome.
Change is not a bad thing – sometimes it is more necessary than we’d care to admit, and it’s a part of growing up, and enjoying life.
Taking Each Day as it Comes
I know that I’ve been quiet…it’s par for the course these days. The process of recovery is going to take a long time, but I have decided to take each day as it comes. Expecting too much or trying too hard is going to make things worse, not better.
I trotted off to the farm on Friday to hand in my official resignation and clear out my desk. Saying goodbye to the staff in the packhouse, and my trainer was harrowing. Those ladies, despite my short time working with them, really crept into my heart. We have laughed together, celebrated births of their children, even cried together, but all in all, the memories are bright beacons.
Jenna, as is her nature, invited me to have a drink with her after work, but her day dragged on forever, so we ended up going to her house for a two-hour long coffee-drinking session. She is going to be someone that I will really miss too. She is a rough diamond, and while she is quite a bit younger than I am, I admire her. Linda in accounts sends me a text message often, just to find out how I am. Sandra wasn’t happy to hear about my intentions to leave, but I think she was suspecting it. When I went to see her on Wednesday night, she was quite understanding, but her demeanour on Friday was different. I suppose, like me, she has mixed feelings about the situation. I will be going into the farm again later this week to meet with Paula, the HR manager from head office, just to have my exit interview.
While at Jenna’s on Friday, the FWB gave me a call, wanting to make a turn. He was audibly inebriated, so I told him while I wanted to see him, I would prefer him to be sober. He didn’t pitch for which I was quite grateful. My life is complicated enough at the moment, without me having to deal with a drunk man.
Saturday night I went over to Elizabeth’s house – we had a braai for her birthday. Even a simple braai has some complication attached. A friend of ours, Yasmin, is really into a guy that was at school with Elizabeth, and Elizabeth knows for a fact this chap bats for the boys. Do we tell Yasmin or not? Elizabeth’s nature is to nurture and protect, so the chances are she will say something; how Yasmin will take the news is another kettle of fish all together…
Yesterday morning we woke up bright and early and went through to Buffalo Bay where my parents were camping with mom’s sister and her hubby to join them for a good ol’ fry up. The campsite was right on the beach and the weather was beautiful. Coming home we rode in the campervan with Aunty Carol and Uncle Bryan, which was an adventure all on its own.
Yesterday afternoon Elizabeth convinced me to take part in the Blackjack tournament at the casino, and after three gruelling heats and a very stressful final, I walked away with first prize, R1230. I gave Mom, Dad and Elizabeth each some of the loot and have put the rest away for a rainy day.
So, it is the start of a new week, and I am taking each day as it comes…
Reflections of a Misfit 