It’s been a while since I’ve written a grocery list, let alone a blog post. A friend sent me a message on Friday telling me she misses me – and my blog.Continue reading
I love waking up to emails that say xxx liked your blog, or yyy is now following your blog. There is a sense of accomplishment in it. If you want to follow my blog, please do. Or dont. But please share my posts, if you think they’re worthy.
This morning I woke up to find out that a blogger called Tony Self of is now following my blog. That brings the total number of strangers reading the Reflections of this Misfit to 107. Yay! *Awkward happy dance that resembles a frog in a blender*
In just a few of his posts that I read, I was laughing like I haven’t in a long time, because on some levels I can totally identify with the conversations his Conscious and Subconscious have. If you’re looking for some good old-fashioned best medicine, pop over to his blog, The Self-Talk Show
Wishing you all a happy, safe, fun weekend!
Cousin Lola always used to tell me when I was younger, “God lets you choose your friends, because you can’t choose your family.” I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, especially since The Toppie lost his job at the beginning of the month. Family are nowhere to be seen – and yes, I’ll concede that some of them are estranged because of bad attitudes, stupid feuds and stubbornness. I keep coming back to the adage “blood is thicker than water”. I don’t see much of my family, and to me it’s not really a big deal – there is no animosity between any of us (well almost any), it’s just that we move in different circles, and we have virtually nothing in common. These family members are those that I don’t ask for anything, nor they from me. It works.
But then…let’s face it – we all have someone with whom our DNA is interwoven that quite frankly we’d rather not be related to. Others unfortunately join the ranks through marriage. The upside of this is that the feeling is usually mutual and as a result paths don’t cross that often. These people are the ones that you might bump into at a wedding, or a funeral. In my experience it’s usually the latter. I could chalk it up to paying respects, but sometimes attendance is merely to say I’m still around, Fam-i-ly, just in case… you know, my name might be appearing in late Uncle Joe’s will. I always did love that landscape painting by Obscure Artist that hung in his dining room. What my hypothetical Wannabe Art Collector doesn’t know is the good ol’ Uncle Joe ended up on the bones of his arse and worked himself into his grave to keep his wife safe and cared for as he promised her a lifetime ago in front of many of the people at this very funeral. It doesn’t say much for my Wannabe Art Collector, but it does speak to the kind of person Uncle Joe was.
Moving away from hypothetically dearly departed Uncle Joe, and back to the reality at hand…
The past three months have been hell for my parents. The Toppie had a tough time at work (more than that I am not allowed to say at this stage), and he was let go four days into 2019, tensions were (still are!) high because of rising costs and the place they’re living is in an industrial area, so human contact is almost non-existent. I’ve tried my best to get them to come and stay with me (as hard as the adjustment would be for all of us, and they’ve declined), and they’re both still competent, so I cannot force the issue. I’ve tried too to get even a little help from some family members who should as far as I’m concerned have a moral duty, but with no success. It’s disillusioning to say the least. I hate seeing the two people I care about most in this world have to suffer as they are, when there are people that knew where my parents were when a hand or Rands were needed. The only thing I have to console myself is not everyone thinks like-, nor were they raised like me. Add to that, that God doesn’t sleep and I do feel a little better about things.
But, as I have learned in an attempt to become more enlightened, I look to what I can be grateful for in this situation – and it is for friends. From the ones that travelled from Cape Town in September last year and brought my parents a crate of non-perishables and some meat, to the one that baked them some biscuits, so that they’d have something nice to nibble on over Christmas, to the one that drew money out of her bond to loan to me so they could pay their car (and yes it’s a loan to me, which is to be paid back), to the ones that gave The Toppie a painting job so the rent could be paid, to the ones that are sharing a post I’ve put on Facebook to try and help The Toppie find a job to keep him busy and bring some money in, to the one that lets me travel with her to work, so that I can help my folks out with some things they need, to the one that sent me money to take The Bean and The Toppie out for their anniversary. These people have zero obligation to help at all, but they care about me, and by extension about The Toppie and The Bean.
You know who you are, and I just want you all to know that everything you all do for me (no matter how big or small), is valued and appreciated. I’m grateful to each one of you, and I’m proud to call you all family.
Sometimes, something happens, and you find yourself (for lack of a better term), different. Out of this Misfit’s book, I give you two personal examples:
I’m not sure which one of my girl friends it was, but she said, “It’s like when you reach 40 you just don’t give a rat’s ass anymore what people think.” Pretty much everyone 40+ in the company agreed.
I’ve always been one that enjoys my own company; growing up as an only child in a building where there were no other kids taught me quickly how to keep myself entertained. As I grew up, I became an extremely social person; I was a relatively well-liked teenager (albeit a book nerd) and post-21, I had many people I considered friends.
As we all know, life happens, and people’s paths diverge – there is no definitive turning point, or fork in the road. One day you’re still cruising on a Sunday-roadtrip-to-nowhere with your best friend, a year later you’re sitting in a coffee shop alone, having an oversized brunch, chased by a double-thick-peanut-butter-milkshake.
If anyone had told me a year ago, that on the brink of thirty-nine, I would be that person, I would have laughed because I’ve always been of the opinion that there are certain things nobody should do alone – like have a meal in a restaurant, or go to the movies, yet yesterday, I was that person. And it felt surprisingly good. I paged leisurely through some tattered magazine while waiting for-, and during (my mother would just die if she knew I was reading at the table) my meal. I was lost in my own little world, oblivious to what was happening around me, until a stranger accidently bumped my table on his way out.
The point I’m trying to make, I suppose, is that I’ve reached that point, where I’m okay to go out on my own (although solo-movies are still daunting) and not be fazed by what the people around me think.
It boils down to acceptance of self, but more than that love of self – because face it, if you don’t love and accept who you are, how can you expect others to? I’m confident and independent – and that epitome is the greatest thing ever; just a pity it’s taken me almost forty years to realize it.
Social Media Slow Down
It’s been eleven years since my friend, Vixen, nudged me to join Facebook – the magical world where I could play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker without losing any real money, stay in touch with friends, plug my Herbalife business, share photos & random thoughts (some of my memories have me wondering, What. The. Actual. Fuck?) and Lord knows what else.
Round this time last year, the appeal was just gone. I woke up one morning thinking, how many people really bother with checking up on me there, as opposed to getting in touch with me by other, more immediate means? I’m not saying I’ve become a total social media luddite, I’ve merely tapered down my use of almost all the apps related to it, except Whatsapp, because it is my main go-to means of comms, mostly because I use my almost ninety-five hundred percent of my allocated 100 minutes of talk-time on my contract to chat to my friend Trisha, in Durban.
Being a complete social media hermit is not normal in the age we live in, so I’ll still log in and check what’s potting in Facebook-land, sometimes I’ll even post something, but quite honestly, I’d much rather save my data to chat with the circle of people on Whatsapp that matter to me, as much as I do to them.
Maybe it’s also because I’m almost forty, who knows? One thing’s for sure though – there is a change in me, and I’m embracing it. I feel like a new person – more accepting, more open and sure as hell, more awesome.
Change is not a bad thing – sometimes it is more necessary than we’d care to admit, and it’s a part of growing up, and enjoying life.
When the alarm clock went off this morning I couldn’t believe that it was time to get up for work already. Why does that always happen when I go to bed late? One would think I could trick my body into thinking it sleeps longer. Maybe I should try Steve’s route – his wristwatch is set 18 minutes ahead, so his body thinks it is sleeping longer than it actually is (even though it gets up 18 minutes early?). I don’t understand the logic exactly, but hey, to each his own, right?
Oh well, I am not complaining too loudly. Fortunately things are quieter at the office today. I’m proud to say I’ve even done some cathartic purging. I think I’m in love with the shredder… Those of you who know me know how I just can’t seem to throw anything away. The result? A mountain of paper that, if printed on both sides goes into the shredder, if not, then into the recycling box. I’m thinking that my office needs some personalizing. I shall have to look for some photos – probably over the weekend. And a pot plant too, I think. That I’ll have to research though, considering that there is no natural light in my office (I’m surrounded by three solid walls and my door looks out onto the passage). Any suggestions?
Today, a very special online friend of mine is celebrating the renewal of her life year. Cindy here’s wishing you a wonderful day, and a year filled with blessings and God’s Love. I pinched this cake off the internet for you 😀
One thing I didn’t put on my 2013 Bucket List was to play more Facebook Scrabble. As it is a new year, I reset my stats and have already lost my first game, to a bloke living in London. I am playing a game with Granny1947, but the board is so tight, there is not much place to build. I’m sure the next one will be better. I am getting my ass whipped solidly by another player (her name escapes me right now), who has had four seven-letter words in a single game. I have great luck, but that is something I’ve never had happen to me. Maybe soon. Poor woman keeps apologising, as if it’s her fault the computer gives her better letters than it gives me. I definitely want a rematch!
Elizabeth is having a rough day at work. One of her colleagues is on leave and the other has taken ill, so it is just her and another lady that have to do all the work. I sent her a message that says, “Keep Calm and Drink Wine”, but that is obviously not an option right now. Part of me could hear her cursing me under her breath, and it makes me smile. She’s a tough woman, she’ll get through it.
On other fronts, Carmen is hosting a surprise for hubby Ewan tonight, in celebration of his thesis-study finally being finished after five long years. His dedication to his study has been admirable. He is blissfully unaware that about 30 of his closest family and friends are going to be there tonight to celebrate with him. I hope someone remembers a camera! Speaking of which, I must get back into the habit of carrying mine around with me. I have seen some stunning photo-ops lately and haven’t had my camera with me…grrrrr Sure, I have my blackberry, but sometimes 14 megapixels are needed to really catch the clarity of an image.
On the menu for lunch – Herbalife shake. It’s odd, you know. I kicked my heels in hard when Steve suggested a meal-replacement shake, because “shake” has that diet connotation to it (and besides, I like to chew my food), but I must say, I love my shake – it’s Toffee Apple and Cinnamon (the last one in the country, because it was a limited edition) – it’s quick, easy, nutritious and it tastes good. I’ve also taken to Herbalife Protein Bars (healthy chocolate!).
Well, I’ll leave you with all these arb ramblings of mine for the moment. I feel a philosophical conversation brewing in my head, but that is for another time.
Have a terrific Tuesday y’all!
…I am truly blessed with wonderful friends – who are supportive beyond description, and who I often fail to appreciate enough.
A number of my friends sent me touching text messages after the darkness gripped my soul on Monday night – a dreadfully lonely feeling engulfed me and I did something I haven’t in years – I cried myself to sleep. My mind was racing with all sorts of negative emotions, that it was the only outlet that I could make use of.
Last night Mom, Dad and I went to Aunty Carol and Uncle Barry’s house for dinner – fresh fish, chips and coleslaw (which I made). It was a lovely evening, so we dined outside. When we got home, I had a chat with Jay – the issue between us has been resolved, which I am truly relieved about. He was my shoulder to cry on last night about a number of things that have been plaguing me the past couple of days. He listened, offered advice and asked the right questions to provoke me into thinking a bit differently.
I woke up this morning feeling like a bit of a zombie, but that is because I have started drinking my prescription sleeping meds again – just ’til I can sleep through again. I plonked myself in front of the PC to check my mail; hoping, wishing, praying that there would be something about employment there, but alas…Instead I got the results from my fifth novel-writing assignment. I scored a whopping 95%! With this high mark, my average is now running at 91%. I am so proud of myself. Now, if I could find something freelance to get my foot in the door, it would be wonderful, but I have no idea where to start.
Looks like things may be starting to look up a bit 🙂 On the upside, things could be a lot worse. I need to learn to be thankful for the blessings bestowed upon me every day.
On a totally different subject, another blogger commented on the sign at the strawberry farm I posted earlier. This is a sign I took a pic of – it is on the toilet door at a restaurant at a farm stall just outside the lovely town of Robertson.