Movie of my Life

A lot of heartbreak has happened in the last few weeks.  G.T and I have apologised to one another, but what there was between us is something of the past.  In my heart I know that we may bump into each other again, but the possibility of reconciliation – romantically, or even as friends, is nil.  As hard as it is, I’m okay with it.  I am slowly getting my focus back, which feels so good!

I asked Carmen what the first word was that popped into her head and she said, “Cinema”.  My initial reaction was, “Oh-Kay?!”…but turns out that it is exactly what my Muse wanted to hear…

Movie of my Life

 

The room is dark

Its bouquet dank

I’m alone with my thoughts

The ghosts of my life fill the other seats

 

A familiar click of the eight millimetre reel

Shifts my mind’s focus

A quick flicker of light hushes the formless voices

To concentrate on the story being told

 

Dressed in a pink baby grow and swaddled in fleece

A tiny little mite sleeps peacefully in her crib

Her Mother beams with joy, hope and pride

Little Mite’s life lies ahead, a journey, hopefully one helluva ride

 

Little Baby Bunting sitting on a bright bunnied bedspread

Squealing with delight as she plays with a cute kitten

Her laughter echoes off the walls, Her Mother smiles

Neither one of them is aware of the awaiting life-trials

 

Uniformed in red and white, smiling bright, school begins

This six year old serious child isn’t scared

She runs ahead without looking back – excited, challenged

Her Mother’s weeping so, her eyes are redly flared

 

She stares out of the bus window into the black night

The sounds and lights of the city fade into the distance

She knows in her soul this is necessary, but her heart still aches

Her Mother knows best – life can change in an instant

 

Dressed in gold and black for a final year school event

She’s transformed from petulant teen into a young woman

Her Mother smiles wishing her the best, knowing by experience

So much still lies ahead for her child in Life’s tests

 

I shut my eyes to the images on the screen

As a solitary tears escapes down my cheek

My Mother has made so many sacrifices for me

She has always been strong, even though she’s felt weak…

Yearning

I woke up on Sunday morning, opened the blinds and smiled with relief when I saw the blue skies because I wanted to take a solitary nature walk, to connect with a part of myself that I miss.

(Photo from saidaonline)

Alas, the weather has turned foul, so my plans were shelved for the moment.

I had had some friends round the night before for a small get together.  We had a few laughs and when everyone had left and I was doing the last of the dishes, I suddenly felt like someone had ripped my heart out.  Just.  Like.  That.  I waited until everyone had let me know they’d arrived home safely and I crawled into bed.  Horrid dreams plagued me all night.  I was awake at five am again…

I had my morning shower and put on some Lady Antebellum – it’s great Sunday music.  The strangest thing happened when All We’d Ever Needed started playing – I was overwhelmed by a flood of tears and a gut-wrenching yearning…for someone.  The question is who?  Some days being alone really gets to me; it makes my heart ache so badly. My folks got home from a weekend away and we went out for lunch to a local steak house called Cattle Baron.  Elizabeth joined us, as did Aunty Carol and Uncle Barry.  Lunch was divine, as were some shooters…but even more scrumptious was our waiter, a tall, dark haired, blue eyed god called G.T.  The old folks left and Elizabeth and I stayed behind, drinking coffee – but G.T I’m sure knew we stuck around to just perv over him.

After I got home, the Sunday blues grabbed me again, so I forced myself to write something – I have had no inspiration for quite a while now and many people notice that I’m devouring books.  What they don’t know is that as long as I’m reading, I’m not writing much.  I read three novels last week…

Yearning

A simple tune drowns out the white noise

But it doesn’t stop the raging storm

Waves of emotion crash over my rocky heart

Changing its exterior with each swell

A deep, insatiable yearning sets in

Tears blur my vision

The melody continues to taunt me

Rubbing my solitude in my face

Taking pleasure in my heartache

Evil voices laugh in my head

Making me doubt my worthiness

I wonder if you see what I see

Is that why you keep your distance?

I know you’ve noticed me

Yet you keep me at arm’s length

Or do I just blend into the background?

The yearning to be part of your life

Devours my mind

Day and Night

Dawn and Dusk

Through my soft sobs

I wipe my tears

The yearning isn’t gone, but the ditty is finished

I have to carry on, face the day…and not lose hope.

Emotions Running High

The last week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride. In a matter of seven days I went from:

High on happiness after receiving the results of my novel writing course
to
Low because I heard that I won’t be able to carry on because the finance I applied for is not going to be granted.
to
Angry when a friend hurt my feelings by jumping to a wrong conclusion
to
Excited when I heard another friend is coming to visit
to
Confused at receiving mixed signals from a chap I fancy
to
Proud after doing extremely well at my second fitness test
to
Heartbroken when I heard that a friend of mine had lost his mother
to
Surprised when I heard that Julius Malema’s appeal was rejected and that he has finally been stripped of his position as leader of the ANC Youth League.

I told Carmen last week that I’m scared (so another emotion) I’m having a relapse, considering that I just tossed my anti-depressants aside without really consulting anyone. I felt I didn’t need the crutch anymore, so I just stopped drinking them. After all I have so many positive things to focus on. Some days though I wish I could have the crutch back…

Anyhow, I’ve been in the mood to write poetry again – the emotional up and downs seem to have that effect on me, but the question was what to write about. So, I got hold of Suzelle this morning and said, “Help! I want to write some poetry, but I have no idea about what. Give me a theme.” She replied that I should write about dreams…and so, as is par for the course when I want to write poetry, I trawl the internet for some visual inspiration. I came across this picture on Outinleftfield and thought that it is absolutely perfect.

Focused on a goal
Transfixed by a hope
Mesmerized by a dream

Her hazel eyes stare
Into a dark oblivion
Yearning to find treasure

You look at her
But she doesn’t notice
Her mind is whirling

She reaches her dream
Clings onto it tightly
Wanting to realize it
She plans the execution
The intricate battle plan
Her demeanour cat like

You wonder about her
But she doesn’t notice
She chases her dream

At the last hurdle
She stumbles, she falls
Her dream is lost

Hazel eyes are puffy
Staring into the light
Her dream is gone

You speak to her
But she doesn’t notice
She can’t carry on

Focused on her religion
Transfixed by her heaven
Mesmerized by her Lord

Her hazel eyes alight
With a hopeful future
Clinging to His Promise

You look at her
Her smile welcomes you
Invites you to celebrate

She finds her heaven
Enters it with excitement
She wants to stay

Her heart is light
Her spirit is peaceful
Her life is complete

You wonder about her
You question your motives
You finally ask her

But it’s too late
You wasted previous time
Her heart has flatlined…

Creative Writing: Mixed Emotions

(Image by igzlz.deviantart.com)

Mixed Emotions

Your voice so rich and inviting

Your chocolate eyes so warm

Your smile genuine and open

Yet your reaction is cold…

 

My hope will not be cut off

Tells a wise king in the Proverbs

I have a future

Solomon declares

 

I extend an olive branch, a request to mend what’s left of what we have

But only lowly twigs remain

As your fire of rejection burns it to ashes

My heart aches in sad confusion

 

I hear your hollow voice behind me in the hallway

I turn to look into your reflection-less eyes

Your lips so tightly pursed hide your memorable smile

Who are you?  What have you become?

 

Momentary flames burn within me

As I speak your name from my lips

My tummy flutters when I see you

My skins yearns for your touch

 

I cling to my promised hope

Of a love eternal

I am never alone

Single footsteps show me where He carries me…

 

Wordlessly you open your arms

A tear escapes, staining your cheek

Your lips part in a primal roar

“I love you.   Please, don’t leave me!”

 

Only embers remain

As ice engulfs my heart

I feel empty and lost

Yet strangely at peace

 

My voice is crisp

My eyes wide-open

My smile sincere

My reaction unexpected, even to me…

 

“I am hurt, confused and almost hateful…

But I can’t stop loving you!”

 

A roaring fire burns my core

As I scream your name from my lips

My tummy flutters as you gently take my hand

My skin is alive by your touch.

Photographs…

 

Stinging eyes, damp with salt

Reality dawns with a choking sob

So many memories…

In each picture she smiles

I wonder where she is

The girl I used to be…

It’s not that I don’t like

The woman I’ve become

Life is just different now…

Relationships have been altered

Some friends lost, new ones found

Solid ties for the future…

I hold onto hope

I laugh out loud

Love in my aching heart will abound!

Help!

Fellow bloggers, please help…I am bogged down by writer’s block!  I need some topics to get the Creative Writing wheels lubricated again.

Creative Writing: Music

This post by Adeeyoyo inspired me to do a repost of a Creative Writing Piece I did last year.

Nature’s music…

Perfect harmony…

A symphony of raindrops
Can be heard on the roof

At first the pitter-patter
Is very soft, pianissimo

But as the drops turn to hail
The repetitive rata-tat-tat

Becomes deafeningly loud,
A crescendo

As the conducting Moon
Changes phases

So too does its sonata
With the waves

The adagio lapping of the shores
Hastens; accelerando, accelerando

To become a crashing march on the sand.
In 28 days, the refrain will begin again…

Photo courtesy of:  www.naturewallpaper.info/

Creative Writing: Secrets (PG 18)

This is a repost of a Creative Writing Challenge I took part in during 2008.

I say, “I have a secret.” Immediately each one of you reading this post will think, “don’t we all?” As it is a secret, it is not meant to be told, so sorry to disappoint you, my lips are sealed, but, seeing as I really want to take part in the challenge, I found a picture on the ‘Net to inspire me.  The piece is partly fact, partly fiction…

(Image courtesy of: http://minuet.dance.ohio-state.edu/~gallo54/images/words/secrets/secret_keys.jpg

Locked away in the deep recesses of my mind, I have a secret. A lustful secret…

I’ve known you for what feels like forever, yet, I looked at you the other day and it was like I was seeing you for the first time. The need I felt for you at that specific moment was so carnal, so urgent, so totally uninhibited, that I could feel the dripping wetness between my legs.

I don’t know what came over me, but right then and there, I wanted to tear your shirt off ’til the buttons shot in different directions…

To kiss you with the passion that for so long I have unwittingly harboured for someone else. To taste your sensual lips. To feel your heat in my mouth. I wanted to lick each contour of your well-honed torso…to trace each crevice with my expeditional tongue.

When I got to your belt I would stop… Make you watch as I slowly peeled off my top to reveal my pert, hard nipples, lick my fingers and slowly tease them myself, before lowering them into your waiting mouth.

The mere thoughts of your strong masculine hands cupping my breasts in your hand, then taking them into your warm mouth was enough to turn the dripping wetness into a gush.

Once I had your belt undone, I would tie both your hands above your head, to the bed with it, leaving you with just enough leverage to watch how I would undo your well-fitting jeans, slowly peel them off with a glint in my eye, and do the same with mine. I would take a few stolen moments to entertain my secret desire to bring a third person into the mix, then proceed to teasing the pulsing bulge between your athletic thighs with my hungry tongue, before taking your full manhood into my mouth, pleasing to like that until you are on the brink of exploding. Then again, I would stop…

…slowly untie your arms and let you do to me exactly what I need you to do, what I want you to do, what I want you to want to. Even though you know me as a gentle soul, the passion you will have experienced since this encounter began will tell you that I don’t mind it rough. Then, just as I am about to come, I will take you inside me and an earth-shattering orgasm will unite us.

I know though that this will only remain a secret fantasy in my lustful mind, because you are a Man of the Cloth, married to someone I hold in high regard.