On Being Unloyally Ignored…

Before I go ahead with the post – if you are reading this post and feel a pang of guilt, then please, put on the ill-fitting shoe.


I have become a three-strike person when it comes to certain things. For too long I have been the one to work at a friendship, but I now reach a point, (for those of you slow on the uptake, this would be strike three) when enough is enough and you’re out. And by God, it is going to take a concerted effort from you to prove to me that you are worth my time if you want to enjoy the pleasure of my company again.

I never used to be like this – I actually used to be the one that would break herself in pieces trying to keep everyone in my life, loyal to the end – whether they deserved to be or not, but the last six months in particular I’ve developed a fuck it attitude.

I am tired of being the one to work at a friendship when the other party couldn’t be bothered, or when in some instances, I’ve served a particular purpose and now that the task is completed, I simply become obsolete. Friendship doesn’t work like that, does it?

Or maybe it is a case of Some people will only “love you” (be your friend) as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends where the benefits stop.

Don’t get me wrong, many of my friendships have changed because the situations have changed. Single friends that I used to speak to on a daily basis have found new interests and because of the resultant priority changes, have become people I speak to once a fortnight maybe, but we still talk, even if it is a quick “Hi, how are you?” or “Hey, have you got time for a quick coffee?” Others have more pressure as a result of work and want to spend more time on their own to recharge their batteries. I can empathise because I have many days like that too, but again, we still touch base every now and then. Others have got divorced and to ward off the loneliness have become people I speak to more often. There are some who’ve found love and despite my attempts to stay in touch, simply cannot function outside the parameters of their relationships because their new partners aren’t mature enough to trust them or because they’re so smitten they’d rather have their time monopolised. These friends have made it to back to the dugout and have been benched. For good.  So, what exactly am I griping about, you ask…well…

There are few things in this world that work on my tits more than being ignored. Even more so when I am not entirely sure why. Honestly, if I’ve done something (I may very well have, but unwittingly so) to piss you off, just grow a pair and tell me so that we can adjust the sails set the ship back on course. The silent treatment is for sullen-know-it-all-teenagers trying to prove something to their parents, or in some instances, spouses that regress to being children during an argument. I’d like to think that I am better than that. But, with that said, if I’ve gone out of my way to find out if you’re okay and your reply is “No. I’m not.I’ll get in touch with you tomorrow” I don’t think it is unreasonable of me to expect that you will keep your word. And sure, life happens, and sometimes tomorrow comes and goes, but the least you can do is find five minutes in your day to say, “Sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday but….” especially when you managed to find hours when you needed my help!

3 things

5 thoughts on “On Being Unloyally Ignored…

  1. teacupbliss July 8, 2015 / 7:22 am

    Totally agree. I find when a friend becomes unreliable and only available when it suits them, the friendship starts waning. There are a lot of people who love the idea of having a big circle of friends but are incapable of putting in the effort required to BE an actual friend. Then they get sullen and snarky when you stop making an effort. Not sure how some people’s minds work but I’ve given up trying to figure it out!

    • Mid-Thirty Misfit July 10, 2015 / 8:18 am

      I understand 100% that the dynamics of friendships change, but I feel too that despite anything, one must keep your humanity in tact. Treating someone that you are friends with like dirt is inhumane.

  2. Contortum Designs July 9, 2015 / 5:47 pm

    I kind of felt like I was reading something I wrote myself!

    “I actually used to be the one that would break herself in pieces trying to keep everyone in my life, loyal to the end – whether they deserved to be or not”

    That was me in a nutshell. I have been burned so many times that I have very few friends now, but the ones I have are pretty amazing. I just don’t put myself out there and I’m unwilling to put up with anybody’s bullshit. I’m still a great and loyal friend, but only to those I deem worthy.

    So I say, good for you! The friends that truly care will reach out to you and work things out. The ones who don’t, aren’t worth it.


    • Mid-Thirty Misfit July 10, 2015 / 8:17 am

      I am just at the point where I am tired of being treated like a second-class citizen by people who are supposed to care about me.

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