I woke up on Sunday morning, opened the blinds and smiled with relief when I saw the blue skies because I wanted to take a solitary nature walk, to connect with a part of myself that I miss.
(Photo from saidaonline)
Alas, the weather has turned foul, so my plans were shelved for the moment.
I had had some friends round the night before for a small get together. We had a few laughs and when everyone had left and I was doing the last of the dishes, I suddenly felt like someone had ripped my heart out. Just. Like. That. I waited until everyone had let me know they’d arrived home safely and I crawled into bed. Horrid dreams plagued me all night. I was awake at five am again…
I had my morning shower and put on some Lady Antebellum – it’s great Sunday music. The strangest thing happened when All We’d Ever Needed started playing – I was overwhelmed by a flood of tears and a gut-wrenching yearning…for someone. The question is who? Some days being alone really gets to me; it makes my heart ache so badly. My folks got home from a weekend away and we went out for lunch to a local steak house called Cattle Baron. Elizabeth joined us, as did Aunty Carol and Uncle Barry. Lunch was divine, as were some shooters…but even more scrumptious was our waiter, a tall, dark haired, blue eyed god called G.T. The old folks left and Elizabeth and I stayed behind, drinking coffee – but G.T I’m sure knew we stuck around to just perv over him.
After I got home, the Sunday blues grabbed me again, so I forced myself to write something – I have had no inspiration for quite a while now and many people notice that I’m devouring books. What they don’t know is that as long as I’m reading, I’m not writing much. I read three novels last week…
A simple tune drowns out the white noise
But it doesn’t stop the raging storm
Waves of emotion crash over my rocky heart
Changing its exterior with each swell
A deep, insatiable yearning sets in
Tears blur my vision
The melody continues to taunt me
Rubbing my solitude in my face
Taking pleasure in my heartache
Evil voices laugh in my head
Making me doubt my worthiness
I wonder if you see what I see
Is that why you keep your distance?
I know you’ve noticed me
Yet you keep me at arm’s length
Or do I just blend into the background?
The yearning to be part of your life
Devours my mind
Day and Night
Dawn and Dusk
Through my soft sobs
I wipe my tears
The yearning isn’t gone, but the ditty is finished
I have to carry on, face the day…and not lose hope.