Feeling Down

Some days a person is the pigeon.  Other days a person is the statue.  Fact.  No matter how hard you try to convince yourself, there is no escaping this simple truth of life.

Generally I like to think of myself as the pigeon.  Not necessarily because I want to shit on the statue-people below, but simply because I like not being shit upon. Lately though, rotten luck has seemed to follow me around, as you will have read in my previous post. 

First the liquidation, then the offer of a (somewhat) “forced” promotion, a colossal argument with my parents (12 years ago my mother tossed me out the house, and two years later took me back, now it’s déjà vu because my dad is starting to act the same way my mom did back then) and now this…

It was explained to us prior to the take-over that we would have to claim outstanding leave money against the liquidated estate, which we have duly done. 

However, during a meeting with the liquidator this morning he told us that a maximum of R4000 will be paid out per claim to preferential creditors (apparently this is set out in the government gazette) and that the balance, if any, will be a pro-rated payout with the other concurrent creditors.  This doesn’t really affect me too badly because after the R4000 is paid, I’m still owed R199,10.

It does however upset me that the old company is screwing everyone over because we were never told about this and every time someone wanted to take a day’s leave in lieu of a public holiday or Sunday worked, there appeared to be a reason why we couldn’t.  There is one member of staff here who is owed over 30 days worth of leave pay (and it must be a stash of cash because she is very qualified and had been with the company for a long period of time), so effectively all she is going to get out is R4000, like all the rest of us and 40% of the balance, if she’s lucky…and that can take up to six months before it gets paid out.

Sometimes when I’m the statue for an expected period, I actually wish I could turn into stone, so I could just stop feeling the bad feelings.  I’m tired of feeling hurt.  I’m tired of feeling angry.  I’m tired of feeling sad.  I’m tired of feeling inadequate.  I’m tired of feeling unworthy.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m in the way. 

Hell, I’m just tired.  Tired of being…

Tired of being me.

5 thoughts on “Feeling Down

  1. cindy May 20, 2010 / 1:18 pm

    Don’t forget for one single minute that you are a STAR, this is a brief moment in your life and will only make you appreciate your great future all the more!

  2. Mid-Thirty Misfit May 20, 2010 / 2:30 pm

    Cindy, it really doesn’t feel like it…every time I feel like I’m making some kind of progress I end up being pushed back.

  3. lyndatjie May 21, 2010 / 3:41 pm

    I have taken more knocks in this life than I would care to remember or think about. So from one statue to another… every single day is different than the rest. Sometimes its bad and sometimes it surpasses all expectations. Live your life a day at a time with a dream in your heart and a vision in your head. No matter how many times you get knocked down – nobody can ever take that dream and vision away from you.
    Hang in there… I can guarantee you that it gets better because I am living proof. (PST: friends always help to smack that bad luck fairy squarly in the jaw even when you are feeling down and out. Surround yourself with good ones – they are a godsend in times of need)

    • Mid-Thirty Misfit May 21, 2010 / 8:36 pm

      Lyndatjie – I’m so glad to see you here! Thanks for you comment. Strange you should mention surrounding myself with my friends – I did just that last night and I woke up feeling much better this morning, save for a white-wine induced headache. I know I’m not 100% out of the doldrums yet, but I’m getting there.

  4. Adeeyoyo May 31, 2010 / 7:52 am

    I agree with Lyndatjie wholeheartedly on this one. I too was a statue – for 10 years nogal!

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