I pinched this picture from a friend on Facebook.
The sad thing is that, as true as I would like this sentiment to be in my life, I am easily insulted and hurt, whether I value a person’s opinion or not. It’s simply because I have an incredible yearning to be liked, and that is because I have so much love to give… Probably a fault in many people’s eyes, but in mine, it is an asset. So many people are fighting some kind of battle and if a smile or kind word from me can help, then I’m happy to help.
Many of you know that since November last year, I have been following a strict gym and eating regime – and as a result of my dedication, I have dropped a dress size and lost 9.6 Kg (or just a little over 21 lbs). I am very possibly in the best shape I have been since my school days, and I feel rightfully entitled to show my new found figure off. So yesterday I dressed in a halterneck top, with literally a centimeter of clevage showing in the front and went out with Mom to the casino. An oldish (I guess about 60) man I don’t know from Joe Soap commented to someone that I know there, about my breasts (and he wasn’t exactly polite in his compliment either). I was so insulted – I felt so cheap, so I replied somewhat adamantly, “Thanks for your comments on my breasts, but they have f*** all to do with you.” Apparently he is one of the richest blokes in our town, so he must think that makes his behaviour acceptable. Actually quite tragic that money can’t buy class…
The insults didn’t stop there either.
Enter Steven, a chap I have met at the gym, whom I summed up to be someone I could be good mates with. We’ve chatted in passing and some time ago I invited him to join myself and a group of my mates on a short hike at our local dam. He agreed, and what’s more – he arrived early. Every day at gym when I’ve seen him, he’s been ready with a smile and a polite hello. I believed a promising friendship was blossoming. I invited him to movies with my mates one weekend, but he declined, telling me it wasn’t his scene. Fair enough. Given the fact that we seemed to be moving forward as some kind of friends, I invited him to the braai at Anita’s house (expecting him to possibly say no), and he agreed. He knows Roma and Jack too, so the evening turned out to be a good one. At the braai Anita mentioned that we have a Poker night every now and then, and that when we had another one, she’d let me know so I could ask him to join us. He seemed keen at the time. So I asked him on Thursday when I saw him, telling him poker was on Saturday night and that he should just let me know. I sent a quick text in a reply to him yesterday morning in reply to a message he sent on Friday night (but only got yesterday because my phone was off), replying in specific to his message and adding that we all hoped he’d be able to make it for poker. What normally happens at poker night is that a portion of the buy-in goes towards pizza or something for dinner and the rest to the overall winner, but the plan had changed slightly, so when Anita sent a message telling us to come hungry, but not too hungry, I forwarded it onto Steve, only to receive a reply telling me that I must excuse him, he normally replies close to the time of an event (which I know, because sometimes his folks come to town for a visit, letting him know on the day). He doesn’t like to be tied down, that’s probably why he isn’t in a relationship, but he’d let me know. My immediate emotional response was anger, then hurt. Instead of replying what I was thinking, I said a silent prayer for self control. I believe the right words were placed in my mind to reply, “I understand 100%. It wasn’t my, nor my friends’ intentions to tie you down, or make you feel tied down. I’m sorry if I’ve put you under that impression; I just wanted to let you know what was what in case you wanted to join us, nothing more. Enjoy the rest of your day.” I’m not only hurt by what he said, but by his assumption (if he knew my history, he’d know that I won’t enter into a relationship without making triply sure of myself) – I have not once in our conversations remotely hinted at the possibility of a relationship, despite the fact that I know he’s single. Sure, I don’t deny that I wouldn’t mind us being more than friends – he is a fine man, evidently from good stock. Carmen knows him too and she says he’s “hyper decent.” So why am I the one questioning my judgement to want him as a friend?
Ah well, it’s in the past – all I can hope for is that the giant elephant between us can be discussed and we can move forward. So often a misunderstanding can be resolved by simply talking it out.
On a lighter note, I came second at the poker last night 
Today fortunately went off without any insults. Mom, Aunty Carol, Elizabeth and I went to the mall for a girl’s day. Mom bought me two new tops and a pretty purple lace hairband. We went to a local café and had a brunch – I had the most divine rye sandwich, filled with roast chicken, honey-glazed bacon, avocado, pecan nuts and rocket. Aunty Carol and Mom had a good time, they spent a lot of time laughing. Sometime I look at the dynamics of their sibling relationship, or that of Elizabeth and her sisters and I think that as an only child I’ve been short-changed in some areas. Fortunately Elizabeth’s sisters have opened themselves to me and made me an official sister of their hearts.
Monday looms, and with it new challenges. I’m looking forward to it!
